After a harrowing 24 hours of fear, darkness and chaos, Tumblr appears to be working again. And while we are still tallying survival rates, sanity has at least been temporarily restored to the Internet (but before you continue reading this, I suggest taking a minute to make sure all of your Likes, Followers and Reblogs are secure).
Yesterday I took to Twitter to try to help people through this Tumblocalypse in real time, but now that we’ve made it out alive, I thought it would be important to prepare a complete guide to surviving the next one. These are just guidelines, not laws, because in the Tumblocalypse, there is no law. Still, I suggest you print them out and store them somewhere safe (ie, not on your Tumblr), because they could just save your life.
1. Do Not Work
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you do anything productive such as: working, going outside, interacting with your loved ones, or generally caring for yourself. That is what the Trrists want.
2. Choose Your Leaders Wisely
In the event of a crash, all follower counts will be set to 0 and the usual hierarchy of power-reblogging influence will crumble. Out of this anarchy, new leaders must emerge, but be careful who you trust, as a clever vanity-blogger might seize the Tumblocalypse as an opportunity to finally get people to care about/pay attention to them.
3. Set Up Emergency Comms
Find a secure bunker and leverage Twitter as an emergency communication tool to stay connected to your fellow Tumbrethren during the fallout. You will find this form of communication confusing and limiting, as you can’t even post .gifs, and you only get to write a maximum of 140 characters - so make them count.